I Don't Know Who I Am Any More
by islashlove
Summary: After a heated argument with his father, Steve packs his bags and walks out of the beach house, not once looking back. But is everything as it seems? Will the famous father and son duo work through this or will their relationship be destroyed forever. This will become a Slash story.
1. You Are My Son, Steve

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything that is from Diagnosis Murder**

**Beta: Yes, I would like to say thank you to my Beta jerseybelle**

**Warning: This is a slash story. If you don't like these types of stories, please don't read it. **

**Author's Notes: This story has been done for a word challenge on FanFiction .net Writers Unite. The word is 'Adoption'. **

**Story Notes: After a heated argument with his father, Steve packs his bags and walks out of the beach house, not once looking back. But is everything as it seems? Will the famous father and son duo work through this or will their relationship be destroyed forever.**

**I Don't Know Who I Am Any More**

**Chapter 1: You Are My Son, Steve**

"Well, Jesse, I must say, I've never seen a doctor slide from one end of the hallway to the other. Maybe next time you should slow down a bit," Mark said before laughing again.

"Thanks for the advice, Mark," Jesse replied as he rubbed his aching backside.

The two doctors had just finished a long shift at the hospital and Jesse had come back to Mark's beach house in hopes to have a swim in the ocean. Jesse had just sat down on the lounge when they heard a loud crash coming from the garage.

Looking at each other in confusion, Mark and, with some difficultly, Jesse raced towards the noise. Opening the door as quietly as he could, Mark carefully looked in. At first, he couldn't see anything and then a head popped up in sight.

"Steve," Mark sighed with relief. Which got him a confused look from his son. "Steve, what are you doing?"

"Hi, Dad and I was...Oh, hi, Jesse!"

Jesse didn't know why, but he had a funny feeling that Steve didn't want him there. Which was strange, since they are best friends and business partners. "Well, nice to see you too, Steve."

"Sorry, Jesse, I was only expecting Dad home."

"And now I want to know why you are destroying the garage," Mark said as he looked around at the mess Steve had made.

"I ..." Steve stuttered as he too looked around. Clenching his teeth together, Steve gave his father a guilty smile. "I was looking for my old high school photos."

"Really!" Mark asked as he looked at Steve over the top of his glasses. He always knew when Steve was lying, like right now.

Just like a guilty child, Steve bowed his head and looked at the floor. When he looked back up, he only lifted his head slightly, just enough so his dad could see his eyes. "Ok, I was hiding your birthday present."

"That sounds more like it. Well, we will help you clean up and ..."

"No! Dad, you will see what I got you. How about you and Jesse go and put the kettle on and I will clean up and be in when I'm done."

"Great, we don't need to clean up and I can go and rest my ..." Steve watched as Jesse's face turned red. Jesse then turned around and bolted back in two the house.

"Dad ..."

Mark just let out a small giggle and before answering. "I will tell you later. Now don't take too long." With that Mark walked back into the house, too.

If Mark had taken a second to look back, he would have seen the relieved, yet upset, look on Steve's face as he watched him walk away.

Once Mark was out of sight, Steve turned around and picked up the plain yellow envelope. Leaning against the shelving, he carefully removed the pieces of paper that were inside. It was a secret that his dad had been keeping for years. A secret not just from him, but a secret about him and now, now it was time to face his dad. Taking a deep breath, Steve clenched his jaw tightly and stormed back inside.

Mark had just finished the coffee, placing it and the cups on the kitchen table and was about to ask Jesse to go and get Steve, when Steve walked in.

"Good timing," Mark said as he turned around, but froze at the look of angry on Steve's face.

"What the hell, Dad!" Steve shouted as he waved the papers around in his hand.

Just a glance told Mark what the papers were and all he could do was shake his head. Meanwhile, Jesse had seen the way Steve was and since he was still moving towards Mark, Jesse quickly put himself between the father and son.

"Easy, Steve. I'm sure we can talk this out."

"Get out the way, Jesse!" Steve barked, but he never took his eyes off his father.

Jesse looked at his friend. Steve's whole body was tense and both fists, a free one and the one that was holding the papers, were clenched as if he was ready to hit something or someone. There was noway Jesse was going to let Steve anywhere near Mark right now.

"NO!" Jesse watched as the anger in Steve's eyes went from Mark to him as Steve stared him down.

"WHAT!"

"I said no! You are angry and I'm not letting you near ..."

"Well, Dad, I guess you can...NO!"

"Steve, please, let me explain."

"Explain, explain what, Doctor Sloan? Look, just don't, I don't want to be here right now," Steve said as he threw the papers at Mark and Jesse and then walked to his room.

While he was down there, Jesse helped Mark to sit down. All they could hear was Steve throwing things around and then his footsteps on the stairs. When he appeared at the top of the stairs he had two bags in his hands.

"Steve, please?" Marked pleaded as Steve just walked passed him and towards the front door.

Steve stopped and threw his house keys on to the little table there. He then turned to face the two men on the couch. Anger was still burning in his eyes. "I need time to think. I just don't know who I am any more and right now...right now I need to ..." Steve didn't finish off whatever he was going to say, instead he just turned around and walked out the door.

As Mark watched his son leave, he could only whisper, "You are my son; that is who you are."

Jesse wasn't sure what to do. He wanted to go after Steve and give him a piece of his mind about how he had just treated Mark. But he didn't want to leave Mark alone either. Letting out a sigh, he bent over and picked up the papers that had caused all the trouble in the first place.

At first he couldn't believe what he was seeing, but after reading them again several times and they didn't change, he was really confused. Mark had adopted Steve. Then that means...Steve isn't Mark's biological child. No wonder Steve was so upset. Still, that was no reason for what he did to Mark. Tired with going over this in his own mind and getting nowhere, Jesse made a phone call.

"Amanda, I need you at the beach house now. Believe it or not, but Mark and Steve just had a fight."

"I'll be right there, Jesse," Amanda said and as soon as she hung up the phone, she was on her way.

Sitting in his pick-up. Steve stared at the beach house. He was glad that Jesse was there now. At least his Dad had someone to help him. Letting out a shaky sigh, Steve started the pick-up, wiped away a few tears that had escaped and drove off. He just hopped that when this case was over, he would be able to save the relationship he and his dad had. Otherwise, his job had just destroyed his family.

**Thank you for reading and for reviewing my story.**


	2. The Secrets They Kept

**Author's Notes: Ok, it was going to be a while before I had updated this story, but this week's word challenge for FanFiction .net Writers Unite just fit in too well for this chapter. The word is 'Secrets'.**

**Chapter 2: The Secrets They Kept**

Mark was in shock. He had seen anger and pain in Steve's eyes before, but never with that intensity or directed straight at him. Sure, Steve had been angered or hurt by something Mark had done. What child hasn't, but this time it was different. This time, the hurt maybe so far beyond repair that Steve may never forgive him.

In the rest of the beach house, Mark could hear Amanda and Jesse moving around and every so often, one or both would walk up to his bedroom door. When they did, he would hold his breath waiting for the knock, but it never happened. Instead they would walk way, whispering to each other.

Occasionally, some of those whispers would float under his door. He would catch a few words here and there, but he never really listened to them. What would be the point? He already knew what they were talking about, but Mark wasn't ready to discuss this secret with his friends...just yet.

He had kept those secrets for years. Kept them hidden deep in his mind. Locked in the past where they belonged. Where they couldn't hurt anyone, but every so often, one or two would slip out and reveal themselves. Most times, it didn't matter when people found out the truth as it was a small secret or a secret about himself. But this time, this secret could cost him everything. It could cost him his son.

Closing his eyes, Mark once again saw the anger and hurt on Steve's face, especially in his eyes, but he couldn't blame Steve. Not one bit. Up until that point, Steve had been understanding when the secrets had come out. Steve had taken them in his stride and had helped Mark deal with them, but not this time...this time the secret he had been keeping was about Steve. It was a secret Steve's mother had taken to the grave with her and right now, Mark wished that Catherine was with him.

Letting out a sigh, Mark rolled over. He was trying to get comfortable, but he was too restless. Too worried about how to fix what he had broken. Worried as to where Steve was now. Maybe he should have told Steve the truth years ago, but he didn't and now...well, now he didn't want to think about the price he was about to pay. He just hoped that Steve would realise that although he wasn't his biological father, he was still his Dad.

Giving up, Mark climbed out of bed and quickly dressed. It was going to be hard to explain to Amanda and Jesse what all this was about. But if he could make it through with them, then maybe it won't be so bad with Steve.

Steve looked out the window of the hotel room where he was staying. It was a beautiful view, but Steve wasn't really seeing it. Instead, his mind was focused on the fight he had with his father.

It had killed Steve to use Mark's secret against him, but if it's a choice between hurting his father for a little while over death, Steve would choose that hurt any time. Hopefully, he will be able to heal the hurt and they would be able to move on from this. If not, then the pain he felt right now will be his punishment for the rest of his life.

In Steve's mind that would be fair. When his mother left him the letter explaining his adoption, she never meant Steve to use it against his father. But then again, maybe she had thought that Mark would have told Steve the truth by the time he had read the letter. Whatever it was, the damage was done. Now Steve's need was to focus on the job at hand, survive the case and get back home. Then he would lay out all his secrets on the table in front of Mark and hopefully, Mark will do the same.

Hearing a knock on the door behind him, Steve turned around just as the door opened.

"Ahh...Dr Lane, I see you are here already. Shall we get down to business."

"Lead the way, Mr. Lang," Steve replied smiling. It was going to be a long night and an even longer week if this meeting went well.

**Thank you for reading and for reviewing my story.**

**Authors Note: Due to family comments, posting of this story and any of my other current stories may have a few weeks in between chapters. Once real life is sorted, I will be returning to weekly posting. Sorry for any inconveniences.**

**P.S. If you like this story, please follow it, so you know when I update next. You, my readers are what makes Fanfiction worthwhile.**


	3. What Steve Won't Do

**Author's Notes: This chapter is for the word of the week challenge for FanFiction .net Writers Unite. The word is 'Extreme'. **

**Sorry for the short chapter.**

**Chapter 3: What Steve Won't Do**

The meeting had gone well. Steve had managed to convince Mr. Lang that, not only was he a doctor, but the doctor he needed. He was sure that once or twice he had stumbled over a medical term, but overall, he had nailed it. And why not, his dad was the best doctor in the world and his two best friends were also doctors.

It was most likely the reason they chose him to do this undercover job. That and the fact he did hold a current medical license. It was another secret he had kept from his dad.

Steve sat down on the chair in his motel room, thinking.

He was thinking about all the lies. All the secrets he had kept from his dad all these years. What he had really done in the army. That he was a qualified doctor and that he knew since he was twenty-one that Mark had adopted him. But these were just the tip of the mountain of secrets that he had and will keep from Mark.

His dad once said to him that sometimes you have to go to extremes to protect the ones you love. Right now...that is what Steve was doing. Going to the extreme to keep his dad and friends safe. He just prayed that it wasn't too extreme and that he has lost everything because of it.

Standing up, Steve walked over to the doors that led out to the balcony. The cool night breeze brushed gently against Steve's warm skin. He hated wearing suits. They always made him feel like he was fake, a fraud, and in a way, he was. The real Steve Sloan was nothing like the one his dad and friends knew. In fact, Steve associated himself more with the man he was portraying, then the life he lived everyday.

The noise from the streets below barely reached him, so when the alarm on his watch went off Steve jumped a little. It was getting late and he needed to get some sleep. Looking out over the city, Steve hoped that his dad was okay. When this was over, he would have to come clean about a lot of things, but right now, he needed to add another secret to his forever growing list.

Taking in a deep breath, Steve closed his eyes then let the air out slowly. Opening his eyes again, Steve turned around, walked back into the room and closed the doors behind him. Once he was in bed, Steve gave one more small prayer for his dad to be safe and he drifted off to sleep. Hopefully, this job will be closed quickly and then the real battle would begin.

**Thank you for reading and for reviewing my story.**


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